Yea, marry, let them come before me

Dogberry
Yea, marry, let them come before me.
  Conrade and Borachio are brought forward.
What is your name, friend?
Borachio
Borachio.
Dogberry
Pray, write down “Borachio.”—Yours, sirrah?
Conrade
I am a gentleman, sir, and my name is Conrade.

O, villain! Thou wilt be condemned
into everlasting redemption for this!

Dogberry
Write down “Master Gentleman Conrade.”—
Masters, do you serve God?
Borachio/Conrade
Yea, sir, we hope.
Dogberry
Write down that they hope they serve God; and write
God first, for God defend but God should go before
such villains!—Masters, it is proved already that you
are little better than false knaves, and it will go near to
be thought so shortly. How answer you for yourselves?
Conrade
Marry, sir, we say we are none.
Dogberry
A marvelous witty fellow, I assure you, but I will go
about with him.—Come you hither, sirrah, a word in
your ear. Sir, I say to you it is thought you are false knaves.
Borachio
Sir, I say to you we are none.
Dogberry
Well, stand aside.—’Fore God, they are both in a tale.
Have you writ down that they are none?
Sexton
Master constable, you go not the way to examine. You
must call forth the watch that are their accusers.
Dogberry
Let the watch come forth. Masters, I charge you in the
Prince’s name, accuse these men.
First Watchman
This man said, sir, that Don John, the Prince’s brother,
was a villain.
Dogberry 
Write down Prince John a villain. Why, this is flat perjury,
to call a prince’s brother villain!
Borachio
Master constable—
Dogberry
Pray thee, fellow, peace. I do not like thy look, I promise thee.
Sexton, to Watch
What heard you him say else?
Seacoal
Marry, that he had received a thousand ducats of Don John
for accusing the Lady Hero wrongfully.
Dogberry
Flat burglary as ever was committed.Acyrologia
Verges
Yea, by Mass, that it is.
Sexton
What else, fellow?
First Watchman
And that Count Claudio did mean, upon his words, to
disgrace Hero before the whole assembly, and not marry her.
Dogberry, to Borachio
O, villain! Thou wilt be condemned
into everlasting redemption for this!Acyrologia
Sexton
What else?
Seacoal
This is all.
Sexton
And this is more, masters, than you can deny.
Prince John is this morning secretly stolen away.
Hero was in this manner accused, in this very
manner refused, and upon the grief of this suddenly
died.—Master constable, let these men be bound
and brought to Leonato’s. I will go before and show
him their examination.
  He exits.
Dogberry
Come, let them be opinioned.Acyrologia
Verges
Let them be in the hands—
Borachio
Off, coxcomb!
Dogberry
God’s my life, where’s the Sexton? Let him write
down the Prince’s officer “coxcomb.” Come, bind
them.—Thou naughty varlet!
Conrade
Away! You are an ass, you are an ass!Epimone
Dogberry
Dost thou not suspect my place? Dost
thou not suspect my years?Acyrologia, Epimone and Pysma O, that he were here to
write me down an ass! But masters, remember that
I am an ass, though it be not written down, yet
forget not that I am an ass.—No, thou villain, thou
art full of pietyAcyrologia, as shall be proved upon thee by
good witness. I am a wise fellow and, which is more,
an officer and, which is more, a householder and,
which is more, as pretty a piece of flesh as any is in
Messina,Anaphora and Mesodiplosis and one that knows the law, go to, and a
rich fellow enough, go to, and a fellow that hath had
losses, and one that hath two gowns and everything
handsome about him.—Bring him away.—O, that I
had been writ down an ass!