Yonder is a most reverend gentleman
Page
Yonder is a most reverend gentleman who, belike
having received wrong by some person, is at
most odds with his own gravity and patience that
ever you saw.
Shallow
I have lived fourscore years and upward. I never
heard a man of his place, gravity, and learning
so wide of his own respect.
Am I politic? Am I subtle? Am I a Machiavel?
Sir Hugh
What is he?
Page
I think you know him: Master Doctor Caius, the
renowned French physician.
Sir Hugh
Got’s will and His passion of my heart! I had
as lief you would tell me of a mess of porridge.
Page
Why?
Sir Hugh
He has no more knowledge in Hibbocrates
and Galen—and he is a knave besides, a cowardly
knave as you would desires to be acquainted withal.
Page, to Shallow
I warrant you, he’s the man should fight with him.
Slender, aside
O, sweet Anne Page!
Shallow
It appears so by his weapons. Keep them
asunder. Here comes Doctor Caius.
Enter Host, Doctor Caius, and Rugby.
Caius and Sir Hugh offer to fight.
Page
Nay, good Master Parson, keep in your weapon.
Shallow
So do you, good Master Doctor.
Host
Disarm them, and let them question. Let them
keep their limbs whole and hack our English.
Page and Shallow disarm Caius and Sir Hugh.
Doctor Caius, to Sir Hugh
I pray you, let-a me speak a word with your ear.
Verefore vill you not meet-a me?
Sir Hugh, aside to Caius
Pray you, use your patience. (Aloud.) In good time.
Doctor Caius
By gar, you are de coward, de Jack dog, John ape.
Sir Hugh, aside to Caius
Pray you, let us not be laughing-stocks to other men’s
humors. I desire you in friendship, and I will one way or
other make you amends. (Aloud.) By Jeshu, I will knog
your urinal about your knave’s cogscomb.
Doctor Caius
Diable! Jack Rugby, mine Host de Jarteer, have I not stay
for him to kill him? Have I not, at de place I did appoint?
Sir Hugh
As I am a Christians soul, now look you, this is the place
appointed. I’ll be judgment by mine Host of the Garter.
Host
Peace, I say, Gallia and Gaul, French and Welsh,
soul-curer and body-curer!
Doctor Caius
Ay, dat is very good, excellent.
Host
Peace, I say! Hear mine Host of the Garter. Am
I politic? Am I subtle? Am I a Machiavel? Shall I
lose my doctor? No, he gives me the potions and
the motions. Shall I lose my parson, my priest, my
Sir Hugh? No, he gives me the proverbs and the
no-verbs. (To Caius.) Give me thy hand, terrestrial;
so. (To Sir Hugh.) Give me thy hand, celestial; so.
Boys of art, I have deceived you both. I have directed
you to wrong places. Your hearts are mighty, your
skins are whole, and let burnt sack be the issue.
(To Page and Shallow.) Come, lay their swords
to pawn. (To Caius and Sir Hugh.) Follow me, lads
of peace, follow, follow, follow.
Host exits.
Shallow
Afore God, a mad Host. Follow, gentlemen, follow.
Slender, aside
O, sweet Anne Page!
Shallow, Page, and Slender exit.
Doctor Caius
Ha, do I perceive dat? Have you make-a de sot
of us, ha, ha?
Sir Hugh
This is well! He has made us his vloutingstog.
I desire you that we may be friends, and let us
knog our prains together to be revenge on this
same scall, scurvy, cogging companion, the Host
of the Garter.
Doctor Caius
By gar, with all my heart. He promise to bring me
where is Anne Page. By gar, he deceive me too.
Sir Hugh
Well, I will smite his noddles. Pray you, follow.
Sir Hugh, Caius, Simple, and Rugby exit.