Falstaff

Falstaff
Now, Hal, what time of day is it, lad?
Prince Hal
Thou art so fat-witted with drinking of old
sack, and unbuttoning thee after supper, and
sleeping upon benches after noon, that thou hast
forgotten to demand that truly which thou wouldst
truly know. What a devil hast thou to do with
the time of the day?
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Falstaff
Men of all sorts take a pride to gird at me.
The brain of this foolish-compounded clay, man, is
not able to invent anything that intends to laughter
more than I invent, or is invented on me. I am not
only witty in myself, but the cause that wit is in
other men. I do here walk before thee like a sow
that hath overwhelmed all her litter but one.
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Falstaff
Thou hast the most unsavory similes,  and
art indeed the most comparative, rascaliest, sweet
young prince.

Before I knew thee, Hal, I knew nothing, and now
am I, if a man should speak truly, little better than
one of the wicked.

But, Hal, I prithee trouble me no
more with vanity. I would to God thou and I knew
where a commodity of good names were to be
bought.
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Falstaff
Poins!—Now shall we know if Gadshill have set a
match. O, if men were to be saved by merit, what
hole in hell were hot enough for him? This is the
most omnipotent villain that ever cried “Stand!” to
a true man.
Prince Hal
Good morrow, Ned.

Sir John stands to his word.
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Chief Justice
Well, the truth is, Sir John, you live in
great infamy.
Falstaff
He that buckles himself in my belt cannot
live in less.
Chief Justice
Your means are very slender, and your
waste is great.

But since all is well, keep it so.
Wake not a sleeping wolf.
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Chief Justice
Well, the King hath severed you and
Prince Harry. I hear you are going with Lord John
of Lancaster against the Archbishop and the Earl of
Northumberland.

But it was always yet the trick of our
English nation, if they have a good
thing, to make it too common.

Falstaff
Yea,
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Falstaff
What is the gross sum that I owe thee?
Hostess
Marry, if thou wert an honest man, thyself
and the money too. Thou didst swear to me upon a
parcel-gilt goblet, sitting in my Dolphin chamber at
the round table by a sea-coal fire, upon Wednesday
in Wheeson week, when the Prince broke thy head
for liking his father to a singing-man of Windsor,
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Falstaff
I am accursed to rob in that thief’s company.
The rascal hath removed my horse and tied him I
know not where. If I travel but four foot by the
square further afoot, I shall break my wind. Well, I
doubt not but to die a fair death for all this, if I
’scape hanging for killing that rogue.
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Drawer
Sir, Ancient Pistol’s below and would speak
with you.
Doll
Hang him, swaggering rascal! Let him not come
hither. It is the foul-mouthed’st rogue in England.

You may stroke him as gently as a puppy
greyhound. He’ll not swagger with a Barbary hen if
her feathers turn back in any show of resistance.—

Hostess
If he swagger,
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Pistol
God save you, Sir John.
Falstaff
Welcome, Ancient Pistol. Here, Pistol, I
charge you with a cup of sack. Do you discharge
upon mine hostess.
Pistol
I will discharge upon her, Sir John, with two bullets.
Falstaff
She is pistol-proof. Sir, you shall not hardly
offend her.
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